Healing Horses

Sometime before we left on our road trip, I stumbled upon a holistic horse healing ranch that sounded interesting. The practicioner, Dr. Jenn, had a life long love for horses, had ridden and cared for them, even competed at some point I believe. In any case, while getting her Ph.D. in clinical phycology and post doctorate in family therapy - she recognized a connection between both her passions that led her to get her Reiki Master Certification and find a way to unblock mental, emotional, and physical obstacles that keep us from living our lives fully. I had been working on identifying what my blocks and limiting beliefs were, and let me tell you - its harder than it sounds...so the idea of getting a little help and having horses in the mix - well, it seemed awfully interesting and totally in line with the spirit of our trip.

I booked our sessions to be a week or so after Albuquerque's International Hot Air Balloon Festival and while we ran into an unexpected early Colorado winter blast, the road conditions and temperatures returned to 'normal' in time for our excursion. (We were staying in Colorado Springs and the ranch was 30 minutes outside of Denver...so nearly 2 hours away.)

Once we found ourselves on the long road leaving the chic storefronts headed toward Rainbow Ridge, the horizon opened up and sun peaked through the clouds highlighting the rolling hills on what was clearly horse country. We arrived and met initially with Dr. Jenn for an explanation of how she believes the horses are involved in the healing process and how things would play out. Much like dolphins, horses are often used in work with autistic children and the like because of their ability to bring that intangible "something" that always has profound results for the person. I don't know about you, but I've always likened dolphins to old souls that know way more than we do but don't judge us - only offer their help (think of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy). Dr. Jenn sees horses in the same light.

Before we headed outside, we started off picking a card from a Goddess Deck and one from an Animal Deck if I remember correctly. While I know the explanation of my cards vaguely made sense, I don't recall the specifics so will skip forward. We went outside one at a time and were warned that while Dr. Jenn could attempt to bring the issues we wanted to work on forward, sometimes things would end up on a different topic that was of more importance at this point in time. That's cool, we're both very open. She went on to explain that we'd select a horse to work with, stand close to it with our hand on it and eyes closed, she'd start us off with a few questions, we were to pay attention to our bodily sensations and feelings - the rest would unfold naturally.

I went first and selected Serendipity as my horse, but seemed that wasn't the best fit since she actually backed up and her daughter Frolic stepped forward. Huh. Okay, only picked Serendipity for her name - no worries, Frolic it is! (She was a beautiful caramel colored quarter horse with huge brown eyes that clearly had something to say.) I stood next to her front shoulder, which was impressive unto itself because she was huge compared to me and normally I'd be worried about getting whacked by some part of her.

With Frolic as my interpreter of sorts, Dr. Jenn had me close my eyes and asked me to state my intentions for the session - which were to get help determining my life purpose and healing my wrists. When asked what bodily sensation I felt, I instantly felt a lump in my throat...the same feeling we all experience (I think) when we get emotional and choked up - unable to speak. I was surprised when Dr. Jenn asked various questions about why I might feel that way and I choked out the response that I felt it impossible to be the real me because for the most part I'd always been trying to live up to someone else's expectations. Yikes, where'd that come from? I remember feeling weird as I said it, sort of guilty - but Dr. Jenn unknowingly calmed me when she said that the movement I was feeling was Frolic nodding her head up and down. When asked what emotions I felt at that moment, I said I was tired and saw an image of my hand reaching out as though waiting for help. Odd, but interesting.

You see, as an 11 year old whose parents divorced, it was my role as the eldest to keep things together. As the grandaughter of a spy who was fluent in 7 languages, it was my role to prove myself academically and later help my father care for my aging grandmother. As the responsible daughter capable of running a household, having a job, and with both siblings still at home - it was my role to quit college and move home when my mother was diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer. As a member of the working force with no college degree, it was my role to work hard and prove myself to everyone at work that I was fully capable and then some. Having failed my first marriage and finding a wonderful man shortly thereafter that I eventually married, it was my role to maintain the marriage even after romantic feelings had left and we were left with being best friends who clearly wanted different things in life. (Important sidenote: these were all choices I made, I blame no one and believe everything happens for a reason.) Geeze - this all felt like it came out of left field! Honestly, I've always considered myself a happy person that rolls with the punches. Yet as I stood there holding onto Frolic - I couldn't shake the vision I saw of me standing in a pond with only my neck and head visible. That's exactly how I was feeling. Weird stuff I tell you, especially when Dr. Jenn suggested that the hand I visualized earlier reach out for help might actually be my inner (spiritual) self reaching out to provide help to my outer (physical) self. Whoa...yeah...can see that...wow.

Once we got through that little nugget, Dr. Jenn got us back into the groove somehow and we were off to identify another bodily sensation. This time is was my wrists (no surprise there since I'd been having issues since February and this healing session took place in October). Nonetheless, I could feel the typical tightness and dull, throbbing pain - but now it was radiating up my arm. As Dr. Jenn continued with this line of questioning, what came out was my deep unfilled desire to have my father's approval - which I totally did not see coming. Apparently neither did Frolic, because she wasn't having any of it. She kept moving and when Dr. Jenn couldn't get her to calm down, a light went off and she suggested we use her newest member of the team - Little Man. He was a smaller framed horse, dark brown, with short fuzzy whiskers on his chin. He didn't move an inch when we approached...just looked right at me as though acknowledging he was the right guy to work with. (Later on Dr. Jenn shared that on a couple of occasions her clients who have had male based issues have ended up with Little Man, to the point that she was starting to think it was his specialty.) Okay, so at this point I was standing next to Little Man with my hand on his shoulder and my eyes closed.

To help ease my apparent need, Dr. Jenn contacted my father's higher self / spiritual guide / soul / whatever you want to call it and used Little Man to convey messages to me...which was weird, no doubt - but also clear. As I stood there with my eyes closed, listening to Dr. Jenn invite my father's spiritual side to share a message with Little Man...I felt Little Man turn his head and nuzzle me. I don't mean he was looking for a snack, I mean the horse was actually hugging me to the best of his ability! I know its bizarre, but you weren't there - I was and it was a hug I tell you! Then I opened my eyes and was looking directly into his - which was like looking through space into heaven itself, with all the love and acceptance that comes with it. It really surprised me how much I instantly understood - though I was still a bit in shock of it all. After a deep breath Dr. Jenn guided me back and asked if I wanted to give thanks, which I whole heartedly did...so I got to hug Little Man back. I'd never hugged a horse before - she told me to put one arm over his shoulder and neck and the other under his chest behind his front legs. My arms weren't big enough, but I think he understood...it was nice and I will admit, I teared up a bit.

To end the session, Dr. Jenn recapped what she'd heard around my need for male approval (father, teacher in middle school, grandfather, various managers at work, husband) and internal need to please others. She asked why I thought these messages were provided to me and without hesitating I said something like, "It's okay to be me now...to use this time to connect with my Self more and more...that's how I'll get the clarity I'm seeking around life purpose...and I won't need male approval anymore." An hour and a half later it was Mom's turn, so I laid in the sun on her deck overlooking the horse country that surrounded us and soaked up some of the positive energy that was there. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Do I believe I was healed? Yes, in a way I do. It's been a long time since I've gone to a therapist but it felt like that on crack. I say that because we accomplished in less than two hours something that could've taken six months instead. Dr. Jenn equates it to the energy that the horses exude and I guess that's what helps us work through things easier.

Did I find my life purpose? No, but I left with a sense of freedom to be me no matter what that may turn out to be. I do think it contributed to what I've found out since (stay tuned for more on that), almost like it was required to open the door before I could step through.

Did it heal my wrists? No, I'm just starting to get that under control now through acupuncture and don't see how either of those issues have to do with the lack of freedom or movement that injured wrists indicate (according to Louise Hay and something I'll go into more detail on another time).

Am I happy we went? Absolutely. This wasn't the first or last obscure thing I've done in an attempt to poke around the recesses of my body, mind, or spirit. We identified the purpose of this trip to be to "seek our inner truths while exploring the great outdoors." This experience was unique and rewarding in its own rights. I wouldn't change a thing but also don't think its for everyone. However, if you're curious and would like to know more - you can check out Dr. Jenn and her horses at http://www.happilyeverafterranch.com.