What do I want?

I've been working on getting crystal clear with what I want and with the upcoming new year - thought now would be a good time to share what's happening on that front...

A law of attraction coach I follow put out a short e-book sharing a few of her manifestation stories (Adventures in Manifesting). One that I naturally gravitated to had to do with when she was getting ready to break from corporate america and open her own coaching business. Here's the excerpt I can't get out of my head:

Even though I'd been studying and playing with deliberate creation for a while, I believed the experts I'd hired to train me that:

- Most coaches fail. Period.

- Even if you were lucky enough to build a practice, it would take 12-18 months to do so.

- And even if you were lucky enough to build a full time practice, which most aren't, but even if you were, you weren't likely to make more than $30 grand a year.

Now that scenario sucks, but I believed it hook, line and sinker because these were industry experts, the largest coach training program in the country, who wanted to make sure we trainees were realistic about the challenges - and unlikelihood - of becoming a successful coach...

Thankfully, my mentor coach called me on it. "Who told you that?!" she blurted out, when I told her I knew not to quit my day job because it would take over a year to build a practice.

"Duh," I thought to myself. "Only the biggest coach training program in the country." What kind of stupid mentor coach did I hire if she didn't even know how hard it was to build a coaching practice?! Sheesh! I explained to her exactly what the experts told me, which was that most coaches fail. And even when you succeed, it isn't all that pretty.

"Is that what you want?" she asked incredulously. (As if I were wishing the plague on myself.) "Well, no..." I hesitatingly answered, wondering if it was a trick question. "Then what do you want?" There was a bit of silence on my end while I realized I hadn't considered that. I'd been told what to expect, I hadn't thought about what I would prefer...

"If I could pick anything?" Well, if that were the case, I'd say "a full time practice in one month..." And that's when I remembered - thank you, dear mentor coach - that it is that simple. I pick what I want. The Universe takes it from there...

And that's what deliberate creation is - choosing something that feels like a big stretch, outside our current believe system, and bringing something "impossible" to life.

(p.s. - Jeannette had a thriving business in just three months)

Ug! How many times have we accepted what we were told hook, line, and sinker? Why do we accept someone else's limitations so readily? What's wrong with asking ourselves what we really want? Of course that requires some honesty on our part, too...no point wishing for something that is in conflict with something else (like winning the lottery when you think all rich people are shallow).

The key point I got from Jeannette is to recognize when we're living out someone else's story instead of our own. We are the authors of our stories and therefore can craft it to fit us - not the other way around. While I've had a few successes in the past, this is still an area I'm working on - getting clear on what I want regardless of what I'm told to expect. Below are a few examples from my past and present about the limitations society indicates I should live in - and the story that I wrote / am writing.

"You can't get a good job with a decent salary without a college degree."

...Why not? (Thankfully my indignation helped me rise to the equivalent earning power of my significant other, who held a bachelor's degree - oh, plus a significant bonus.)

"Welcome. FYI, this company doesn't give out exceptional ratings very easily so don't be disappointed if you don't get one."

...Ha, ha - you don't know me but thanks for the warning. (I went on to receive the highest marks after my first year in a very competitive environment, on a very talented team.)

"Congratulations on your rating, but just know that I've never seen anyone able to repeat that two years in a row."

...Ha, ha - you don't know me but thanks for the warning. (Wait, what was it I couldn't achieve again? Yeah, that's what I thought - nothing!)

"You shouldn't use your retirement account to live off of while you galavant around the country."

...Um, yes I can - its my money and there's no price tag for having the memories from this road trip to enjoy the rest of my life!

"You can't start up a business and make any money without working harder than ever before."

...I intend to see profits within the first 3 months, to replace my previous salary within the first 6 months - and do it all easily while having fun to boot!

"You don't know it all and can't expect to find partners to work with you for free to start up your business."

...Why not? Plenty of people have found themselves both out of work, searching both for something that speaks to their heart and fills their days. Plus, I'm a total joy to work with and for - we'll create ideal jobs and a company for ourselves, then be sweetly rewarded for it!

"Owning property is a risk for anyone right now, much less for someone who wants to travel so much."

...No worries, I plan on owning at least four condos across the country in the next four years - then I'll be going international.

Clarity on what I want for myself is the first step. "Ask and you shall receive." can't begin without knowing what I want to ask for. My spirit guides can't conspire on my behalf until I give them a little more than "I want to do something I love and make enough money to be comfortable."

These ideas aren't foreign to me, but the one thing I hadn't considered was how I might be shaping what I want with the unfounded beliefs of others. Seems this is easiest to do when it has to do with something I'm not totally comfortable with, like starting a new business. So, thanks to Jeannette I now know that won't be a problem cuz I'm all over this (in a good way). Here's to thinking outside of the lines while remaining true to our hearts!

Confessions of a Lost Gypsy

I have to fess up to something. I suck. Okay, not really since I believe all things come in their own time - but that's how I feel at the moment.

I have not maintained the integrity, much less the frequency, of the content on this blog. The intention was to track my inner journey, the thoughts inside, the good and bad...to find, try, and share any methods I encountered as I physically drove across the country. Why haven't I been able to maintain that intention? There are a few reasons, but without a doubt the biggest has been the fear of being judged as a weirdo, nut case, or generally dismissed as yet another corporate possibility who couldn't handle the stress. Hey - I'm no fool and realize that my beliefs, while growing in vague familiarity are still not mainstream.

Nonetheless, a big part of the trip was to do some soul searching and I figured I should take advantage of anything that might catch my attention along the way. Whether that was chanting in the moonlight, talking to horses, having my astrological charts drawn up, partaking in a Native American ritual, connecting to my spirit guides, or simply asking those I meet how they've come to find themselves where they are now - the idea is that I was on a bit of a quest for me.

While I was open to trying such things and have actually participated in a couple of them, I've been reticent in sharing. That's not honest and it doesn't feel good. A woman I met along the way described how she used to think one thing, verbalize something different, and have yet another feeling in her gut. She found a lot of relief when she was able to sync all three areas to match her singular truth. That made a lot of sense, so my next few blogs will be a recollection of some of the experiences I've enjoyed along the way.

Clearly the content won't be for everyone and that's okay - we are all on our own journeys and I completely respect that. Still, this is something I need to do...something I need to share. You on the other hand can chose not to read. Either way, I believe we draw to ourselves that which we can benefit from - so I plan on laying it all out there for you to pick from, regardless of what you may think or how uncomfortable it may feel to me because in the end I think there's an underlying lesson for me and quite frankly that's more important to me right now.

Huh. Maybe that last part is the first lesson ;)

Letting Go

The first time I received the message I was in Key West, March of 2009. I'd gone there for a vacation alone, renting a room at a stunning home off Elizabeth Street in the ritzy part of the little town - not far from Duval Street. It was advertised as a Law of Attraction vacation where other like minded individuals would be. Turns out I was the only border that week, which was fine with me because I'd brought a lot of books and spent a lot of time meditating and such. One "such" happened to be taking a yoga class on the beach. It was awesome. I'd ride my bike across town to the state park, was let in earlier than the public for this class, joined other people under a canopy of trees and we followed along. The instructor changed it up a bit every day and on Thursday morning used a type that leveraged our gravity...so we'd get into a comfortable pose (believe it or not!) and then stay there for 5 minutes. It was extremely relaxing, what with the small waves crashing 20 feet away and all. So there I was minding my own business, holding my pose with my eyes closed, when I started seeing handwriting on the inside of my lids. It was the kind of cursive children are taught, which meant I knew it wasn't mine! It was slow and deliberate and what gave me chills is that after a word was written, the instructor would just happen to use it. You'd better believe I quickly started paying attention! The words were: allow, release, surrender, just be and let go. Not wanting to lose the apparent connection I had with a higher power, I didn't leave that beach for another four hours. I rented a chair and umbrella and sat there with pen and paper...trying to keep my mind quiet and jotting down any thoughts that came to mind. It was a powerful day that helped shape the events of my life very quickly and not one that I'll ever forget.

Fast forward to June after I'd announced my resignation and started down a path I didn't think I turn back from. I hired a Law of Attraction life coach to help me through what I fully expected to be an uncertain, maybe even turbulent transition. Great decision on my part by the way, without a doubt her insightful assistance drew out my deepest desires, confirmed the actions I was taking, identified my fears, and helped me find the power within to get where I wanted to go. During one of our conversations I mentioned an ailment I was having, specifically pain in my wrist that started in February and hadn't improved with the basic care I was giving it. Believing what I do about the connection between our body, mind, and spirit - I asked my coach for guidance so I could figure out how I'd manifested it and what I needed to do to make it go away. She suggested I look into Louise Hay's work around self healing. I did and Louise contends that the dis-ease we feel in our bodies is often times a message from our higher selves (remember the body, mind, spirit connection - well the body was hurting, so the idea is to ask the mind and/or spirit what's going on). According to Louise, my wrist issues had to do with lack of movement and ease. Made sense. After all, I was in the process of leaving a 15 year career...something I'd never done before and was certainly treading on unknown territory. I discussed it with my life coach and then meditated on it, receiving the message to let go. Huh...let go of what? The divorce was final in February and I was cool with everything...maybe let go of my fears? At a loss and in pain, I ended up seeing a hand specialist and got a cortisone shot that he said would do the trick. Thanks doc!

Fast forward to December - by which time I'd left corporate america, gotten rid of a lot of stuff, moved out of my apartment, and was halfway through the big trip...surely anyone on the outside could see how much I'd let go of! Unfortunately, I was still having pain but now in both wrists. In the meantime, I'd continued to explore the underlying concepts around Law of Attraction. I'd read or am still reading books such as Biology of Belief, Anatomy of the Spirit, Unconditional Life, and Finding Your Own North Star. I was beginning to understand the energy within our body, how it impacts us when it gets out of whack and the various ways it can be realigned for optimal health...which led me to researching acupuncturists (after all, it is California). In addition to reading, I'd also peruse the various blogs online dedicated to similar topics and found a course that sounded interesting: Spirit Guide Coaching. Long story short, the idea is that we have guardian angels (spirit guides, hunches, whatever you want to call it) and that by learning to communicate better with that entity (pay attention to the hunches, notice when an idea pops in your head that wasn't yours, etc.) we can enjoy a more balanced life (including finding that elusive life purpose). The reason I mention this last bit is because the homework I was given after my first of six sessions was to get in touch with my body...increase my already sensitive nature so that I could better recognize variations in how and where I feel things. Step one was to "get in touch" with a body part that's currently sensitive. Great - I'll work my wrists! I did the breath work to find a calm state, I gave appreciation for my wrists (after all, I can't do simply things like put on my bra without them - they're wonderfully flexible and awfully strong for such a small joint), and finally I asked for guidance on the lesson they may be trying to convey. What did I hear? You know...let go. Geeze, this was the 3rd time I was hearing this message and I still didn't understand - so in earnest, I asked for more clarity.

A couple of hours later I was listening to a mix on my iPod. An unfamiliar song came on, The Hardest Part by Coldplay, and just before I could hit fast forward a verse came on that stopped me in my tracks: "the hardest part was letting go and not taking part." Oooooohhhh, that shifted my perspective immediately. Finally something to start the wheels moving so I can live up to whatever it is I'm supposed to be letting go of! Hmmmm, so maybe it doesn't just have to do with removing myself from a situation - maybe it has to do with not allowing its essence to continue to be present in my life. This led me to start wondering whether or not:

• I'm over my divorce (do I still miss pieces parts?)
• I'd only let go of corporate america on the outside and not on the inside (side note: two days before I was browsing for jobs on Monster and not feeling good about it)
• I had deep beliefs about not being able to work for myself and be successful (the only success I've ever known job-wise was by working for someone else)
• I've been talking the talk but not yet walking it (saying it and believing it isn't always the same as living it and while it may seem I'm walking the walk just by means of this trip - there's still a lot of doubt traveling with me on what happens upon my return)
• I've been trying to do new things the old way, instead of doing new things a new way (clearly habits die hard)

So, in an attempt to help myself let go of all limiting beliefs...using a common law of attraction technique to reinforce what I know to be true so that it will help me pave the way for my future state...let me clearly say:

• I am really and truly a very happy, currently single, woman.
• I want and will be an entrepreneur with my own business that is mobile enough for me to continue traveling.
• I have succeeded in every professional path I've tried, no reason that should change just because I'm working for myself.
• I do not have to do things the same way I'm accustomed to them "just because" - I will create fun, new ways.
• I have a long list of success stories in my life that I later discovered aligned perfectly with Law of Attraction; being on new ground only means I'll have new success stories to add.
• I am a wildly creative person who can achieve new things using totally unique approaches and will have a blast doing it!

There. That's how I honestly feel. My next steps are to remain aware of my thoughts and how my body feels. While I am still learning to pick up on them, I do believe they will alert me to any issues I need to address further.

This is me...wanting to let go of that which no longer serves me, ready to embrace something new...signing off for now.

Life Purpose

Last year I was given a gift. One I didn't realize I would be so happy with, but without a doubt its been the best gift ever. That was the time when my husband asked for a divorce. Mind you it wasn't such a great gift because I was unhappy, more that I was unfulfilled and he had the clarity to see that we were both in that space and needed to go different paths to get there.

So, nearly 16 months ago I received the gift of going solo. It was perfect timing, for I'd been wrestling with wanting to do something different but had so many responsibilities I felt unable to take any kind of leap. With the time and space I was granted, I took very seriously the opportunity to figure things out...things like my life purpose. This has been no small feat, since there's no textbook answer on what it should be or how to determine it. There are a lot of opinions on it and I'm a libra - so I can jump sides pretty easily. That meant step one would be to do some initial research on the topic.

Some would say your life purpose is to do the work of God. Many have begun to shun the word religion and would say its to discover your own spirituality / connection and then life a good life accordingly. Still others would say the purpose of life is to live a full one. I say its to just be you - the real you, which admittedly does require soul searching of some kind. I'm still in the process and who knows, maybe its a life long pursuit. One thing I'm starting to wonder is whether or not we make it harder on ourselves than it needs to be. Of course, some parts of the journey have been fun - like my law of attraction vacation to Key West, quitting my job and taking a 6 month road trip :)

Other parts have been more on the interesting, eye opening level. In my search for what feels like the holy grail - I've hired a life coach, read the gamut of books and blogs, made lists, tried to uncover limiting beliefs, gone to energy healers, studied some eastern beliefs around the body-mind-soul connection and chakras, talked to intuitives, tried to understand the biological and quantum physics that play into spirituality and enlisted the help of a spiritual guidance counselor of sorts. I've also tried to find quiet time to be quiet and listen, I've asked questions right before going to sleep asking for answers, I've used my pray rain journal to spark future possibilities, I've made a bucket list, I've used the 5 why's method when asking myself what makes me happy and then analyzed it all to look for themes that may hint at my life purpose. I'm not sure if you get my drift - but I've been exploring a lot!

All that said, here's where I'm at now. I know that my life purpose involves travel, freedom, and sharing. Without a doubt those are precious values to me that repeatedly show up in my dreams and thoughts. What I don't know and am struggling with now is how to apply those in what I do for a living. That's the million dollar question - lemme know if you have the answer, I'll do what I can to settle up with you ;)

On one hand I'm sure you've heard sayings like, "Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life." I and many others have translated that to mean figure out your life purpose and then do it for a living. Well, I'm starting to wonder if it works that way. In my 15 years in corporate training I was quite happy the vast majority of the time, but I can assure you that working for a financial institution isn't anywhere in my life purpose. I read a blog by Anna Conlan recently that discussed this very issue and helped me consider a middle ground. She suggests that our life purpose is expressed in three ways: at our soul level (deepest desires), in our personality (likes and dislikes), and what we do (job, hobbies, relationships). She further expands on them to say that by paying attention to clues, we can find ways to further incorporate our life purpose into daily activities. What I took from it was that we don't have to kill ourselves trying to create a perfect marriage between job and life purpose...it doesn't have to be an all or nothing situation. We can know our life purpose, see it reflected in our personal preferences, and tweak what we do to include more or different pieces of it. We can feel good that it will come through naturally in all that we do because its such an innate part of our core values. Or maybe we'll find the ideal work that is in fact that perfect marriage...I still believe in such possibilities you know.

As for me, I'm still working out how I feel about everything. There's so much information, both internally and externally, to sort out - it just takes time. I feel so blessed to have so much of that these days, as many in the corporate world know that a 40-hour week is anything but. I'm starting a 6-week teleclass in a couple of days that I plan to assist me in sorting out some of this stuff. You know, a number of people referred to my recent actions as a mid-life crisis and I took it as an insult (both because I'm no where near the halfway point and because I felt I had a better grip on my life than many others). Now that I've gotten some distance from that, I understand the reference a little better. I think part of our experience as humans will include questioning ourselves and our place at some point. Seems it usually happens a little later in life for many, maybe because they're so busy in their mid-30s with kids and such. Since I'm not on that particular train ride, I'm here now and given the avalanche of questions that has befallen me since cracking open Pandora's box - I now totally understand why its called a crisis. For the first time in my life there is a burning desire to be so honest with myself that I am willing to give up everything to find it...throw out the norms and make my own decisions for my own reasons and be damned if things have to change because of it. I am now 3 months into my 6 month trip and what I'll do when I'm "done" weighs heavily on my mind.

Regardless of where my answers take me from here - one thing I do know is that by being aware of my purpose will help ensure that my life will be LIVED...the rest will just have to fall in place behind it.

Achievements: Past, Present & Future

I suppose we humans have come so far so fast because we have some innate part of us that needs to achieve things. Whether its to impress others, ourselves, or our god(s) - it seems an inevitable part of us. When we don't achieve things, we seem to oppress ourselves with feelings of shame, blame, and outright unworthiness. I don't know why we do that but can see instances of it throughout my life as well and even as I knowingly seek a higher truth - I still have certain expectations of myself.

To that very end I'm reading a couple of books that discuss the power of emotions, the idea that they emanate from memory (good, bad, experienced, or anticipated) and that the use of visualizations can be enhanced with emotions. This is a subject that really interests me so I like playing with the suggestions they have - one of which is to find an experienced memory that brings up the type of emotions I'd like to create in my future. For example, I want to live in a tropical setting and feel awe inspired peace...so I would think of a time when I felt that same kind of peace and relive it - then flip to the desired state and visualize that possibility with the same emotion. The idea is that emotions amp up the energy around the visualization, through the law of attraction this is one technique to make that happen more precisely.

Regardless of whether or not that makes sense to you, as I started doing it the thoughts that started to come to me was "wait a minute, I've totally been able to do a, b, c - so why couldn't I do x, y, z?" Which led me to the idea that it may be worthwhile to put my constant pursuit of the next thing on pause for a moment and take count of all that I have accomplished...and I recommend you do the same. We have done so much in our lives, grown through so many trials and tribulations that I think we deserve the occasional time to celebrate our worthiness. Hopefully our respective lists will remind us of some other fundamental truths - like we are good, smart, kind, deserving, happy, accomplished, valuable, thoughtful, and powerful beings capable of so much more than we tend to give ourselves credit for. By reliving some of these undeniable truths we may in fact pave the way for more desires to come to fruition. I mean, if you'd done all that's on your already accomplished list - why can't you do what's on your wish list?

By way of example and for my own benefit, here's a list of what I've accomplished. I trust that while some may not look that impressive to you, you'll understand that the circumstances in which I did them make them proud moments in time for me and quite frankly that's all that matters anyway...

• lived through my first divorce at age 11, surviving as the eldest of three a bit wiser with the idea of what's truly important
• lived through my second divorce at age 23, holding my self worth higher than the momentary failings of a young couple
• carved out a career without a college degree, succeeding in all aspects of the training profession from facilitation to design and development to project and people management (and earning as much as my degreed counterparts)
• survived an emotional and financial onslaught thanks to mother nature, learning more about my needs, my stuff, my spirit, and fellow man along the way
• learned to give and reciprocate true love, including the most unconditional aspect of letting go when it was best for all
• prayed for answers to my questions, finding answers when I was able to surrender, allow, release, let go, and just be
• willed the powers that be to deliver a dream vacation in Key West (followed shortly thereafter by a request to take a 6 month road trip), proving that through desire and focus much can be achieved - including my next set of dreams!

Through it all I've witnessed how blind faith ends in clarity and appreciation, desires end up delivered, and enjoying simple pleasures result in reveling in exquisite pleasures. So while I know myself well enough to know I'll forever be on a quest for something - I'm getting better at remembering how many things I've brought into my blessed life already. I believe that will help me balance the desire to achieve more with the gratitude of what I've done thus far...further enabling faith to dominate and the powers of the Universe to best line up the how's and when's of my next great accomplishment.

"Achievements from my past have carved the achievements of my present, and together they significantly impact my future. With so many good things on my side, why worry of what's to come?" - Sarandipity

The Positive Thinking Problem by Drew Rozell

On my quest to learn more about myself and my beliefs, I've found a few blogs that I really like. One is on consciously creating a cool life - doesn't that sound groovy? It's by a guy named Drew and I like it because its not too much, the language appeals to me and his topics often hit a nerve. Which is why I'd like to share the best one yet (as far as I'm concerned). As I recently told a friend, I still struggle to explain my beliefs as there is just so much to say. So when I read this post and kept saying, "yeah, yeah...oooh - yeah!" I realized it would be a perfect way to capture the evolution of my thoughts (which is what this blog is all about). And so I give you his October drewsletter. For more about or by Drew, check out his site at http://www.drewrozell.com.

THE POSITIVE THINKING PROBLEM

The idea that we create our lives through the power of our thoughts has been thoroughly vetted. In fact, this message has been delivered for centuries by the world’s most influential spiritual teachers (Jesus and Buddha), scientists (Einstein), psychologists (Carl Jung), and philosophers (Ralph Waldo Emerson).

Whether you want to hit a baseball, improve your health, or find a mate, there’s a mountain of evidence supporting the direct link between the thoughts you choose and the outcome of your experience.

As both accessibility to information and personal desire to know have increased, more people are awakening to the power of their thoughts. However, as when any idea sinks its roots into popular culture, this rise in popularity sometimes evokes resistance from some people.

These days, most of the articles on positive thinking focus on discrediting the power of positive thinking, dismissing the technique as New Age mantra, the cyclic popularity of which allows charlatans to funnel money from gullible seekers.

In reading some of the rejections of positive thinking, the most damning line of criticism seems to be that positive thinking does not work. As evidence, these authors describe how their wishes do not come true. They go on to remind you how your wishes really don’t come true either.

After all, if thinking positively worked, wouldn’t we all be wealthy and live fabulous lives, instead of scraping by and posting “TGIF” every week on our Facebook update?

On the surface, this argument makes sense. After all, you’re a positive person, right? You think good thoughts, and gosh darn it, people like you. So why do you never seem to breakthrough to another level of success? It’s a fair question.

So what’s the answer then? What’s the real problem with positive thinking?

The real problem is not with the power of positive thinking at all.

The real problem—and I mean this in the best way—is that you are delusional.

The real problem is that your self-perception of the thoughts you are choosing is distorted. You’ve not taken on the responsibility for carefully and consciously choosing the thoughts you offer to the world.

Allow me to elaborate by sharing my experience of bumping into an old friend, Murphy, the other day. After a few minutes of catching up, he offered this:

“Drew, I gotta tell you. I always like what you write, but I think there’s got to more to what we create than positive thinking and the law of attraction stuff. I mean, you know me. I’m a really positive person, but man, my life is as hard as ever.”

I nodded silently, but inside I was bursting to show him that the thought he had just chosen to share with me about his life was anything but positive. And while his thought might reflect the truth of his experience (I have no doubt his life DOES feel hard), Murphy did not understand that by giving this unwanted story more of his attention by sharing it with me, he would only collect more and more real world evidence of how hard life is.

In short, the gap between Murphy’s belief about the degree to which he thinks positive thoughts and his practice of choosing positive thoughts is vast. Grand Canyon-like.

I’d known Murphy for more than 20 years and we were no longer close for a simple reason: I found him to be among the most negative and draining people I knew. To be clear, Murph is not a jerk or a mean-spirited man. If I had to characterize him, I’d say he was well-meaning, but clueless as to the energy he projects to the world.

His biggest challenge was the one we all face: himself. He was a walking ball of negativity and likely the last person in his life to be aware of this fact.

The real problem with positive thinking is that we all have a bit of Murphy in us; we are all poor at seeing ourselves clearly. When it comes to evaluating ourselves, we tend to see ourselves in a more favorable light than an objective one.

For example, studies to done to measure this tendency have shown that when comparing ourselves to others, we overestimate everything from our popularity to our intelligence level. One study that asked people to rate their driving ability reported that nearly 80% rated themselves as being an above average driver.

I’m out of the research business, but I would bet heavily that if you designed a study on people’s self-perceptions of their positivity, the numbers would be grossly inflated compared to an objective analysis the thoughts they offered. And the law of positive thinking operates with the cold, predictable efficiency of a computer program. There is no right or wrong, no good or bad results (these are human judgments). There are only predictable outcomes based on whatever input the program receives.

It’s a simple law: The energy that you project (expressed through the thoughts you choose and the feelings those thoughts activate within yourself) determines the energy that you draw back into your life. Like energy draws like energy. A simple, but unyielding law.

However, when things do not go our way, it’s much more likely that we will blame someone or something outside ourselves, rather than pausing and choosing to look inward for the true source of the problem. Sticking with the computer analogy, when I tinker with my websites, it’s not usual to end up with some error on the page. I’ve gotten so frustrated that I’ve found myself pounding on my computer keys, angry that THIS STUPID THING WON’T WORK!

That rarely fixes the problem. The computer software merely follows lines of code. The output on the screen is just the sterile output of whatever code has been entered — a simple, but unyielding law.

Through the years, I’ve noticed that the anger I direct at my machine or the creative cursing I lob at my software has yet to take me a millimeter closer to a resolution of any problems I’ve experienced. Resolution only follows when I choose to accept that the error lies within me, the user. This decision allows me to look in the right place (the code) to eventually leads to the problem getting solved.

Finally, practicing the power of positive thinking does not equate to walking around being happy all the time. Because life is designed to have contrasting energies—the dark and the light, the yin and the yang—the expectation that life is a bowl of cherries is a flawed premise.

Positive thinking is not about attempting to control every outcome or event that occurs in your life. You cannot. However, when we come face to face with the events of life, it’s helpful to envision yourself as coming to a fork in the road—no matter the challenges you meet in life, you are given the power to choose your response to these events. One path is the old, well-worn habit of reacting with doubt, anger, fear or in other ways that do not feel pleasing to you.

The other fork is the road less traveled (and yes, it’s always there, but you need to look for it). Choosing this route requires you take on the practice of coaxing your thoughts in a more positive direction. You’ll know you’ve taken this path when the thoughts you choose lead you to you begin to feel better at a visceral level. This decision feels good to me. A pleasing choice to the soul. Simple.

Make no doubt about it, choosing the positive road is not as easy as it sounds. In fact, it requires you to take radical responsibility for your life. Being radically responsible means that you choose to own how you think and feel in any moment of your life. You enter the practice of choosing to move away from the old habits of blaming, complaining, and looking outside yourself for the sources of your problems.

Instead, living in a Radically Responsible way, you accept that whatever you manifest in your life is a perfect reflection of the energy you are projecting. To resolve the problems you experience, look inward, and begin the practice of choosing authentic, better-feeling thoughts.

In the face of a lifetime of conditioning that teaches us to complain, blame, and to be afraid, taking on the task of reprogramming your thoughts in a positive direction is a formidable challenge; it requires constant desire, awareness, and commitment to practice. It’s not for the lazy. It’s not for the meek.

Because it’s a challenge, most people will not choose to live this way. And while that’s fine, it does not make the principle of positive thinking any less sound.

To my way of thinking, this is the best news. Right now, you have the most powerful tool in the universe at your disposal, a tool powerful enough to create worlds (literally).

Pick it up. Play with it. The more you practice choosing the best thought/reaction, the better you will get at guiding your thoughts in a positive direction. The better you get, the better your whole life will feel.

At that point, the real problem with positive thinking will be that you did not commit to it sooner.

We All Need Reminding

Mom recently commented on how I grabbed the bull by the horns and totally changed the direction in my life. You know what came to mind? "Huh. Yeah, I did do that didn't I?" I've had a lot of dreams. Some were little more than entertainment - others an innate desire that I didn't believe were actually possible, so elected to let go. After never having acted on so many, I finally did it. Me. Just me. Little 'ole me felt a pull, sought answers from within, fantasized about an option that moved me so deeply it went from "in a year or so" to "why not in a few months". Holy crap. I did that. Makes me wonder, "What else can I do?"

Well, in no particular order... I can start my own business and become a successful entrepreneur. I can have multiple homes around the world to live in when I feel so inclined. I can rent jets to get me where I want to go in comfort (as well as for the ease of traveling with dogs). I can meet a man with the same general beliefs I have, with a full life of his own, who loves to travel, that treats me like his queen. I can make new, incredible memories by celebrating life events with close friends and family. I can be a successful author. I can become so in-tune with my body that I'm able to sense imbalance and right myself before any signs of dis-ease come forth. I can sit quietly in stunningly scenic locations around this world in awe of my self, the world, people's will power, and the beauty of how it all flows in perfect harmony. I can do all of this with the internal wisdom I am blessed with...I will enjoy it all because I deserve it...I am feeling it come to fruition with ease...I see it and am profoundly thankful.

We have all done something a bit out of the ordinary that we can and should be proud of. It doesn't have to be big, but it should be a personal win that took chops. Find that something for you, bask in your glory and remember your ability - your power to do it again. Now...what's on the horizon for you?

Self Acceptance vs. Self Love

As part of this physical journey I am hopeful to find some internal answers as well. The questions don't matter so much as being open and aware to potential lessons. One that has cropped up unexpectedly is the idea of Self Love. No, no - I don't mean the egotistical type...that's of no value to me - I mean the inner peace type. I think it's a lovely idea, especially for those of us that buy in to the idea that we're a piece of something much larger than any of us. Still - I don't know about you, but that phrase is often followed with a cringe when I hear it. I mean really, how can I love the cellulite on my backside...the teeth that are now getting cavities...the heel that won't get better...the short hair that has lost its cuteness and can't hide in a ponytail? And those are just the external pieces - don't get me started on the occasional lack of self confidence that totally bums me out when I feel I've missed an opportunity to connect with someone. Yeah...Self Love is a big pill to swallow.

However, that said - I have some good news (for me at least). It seems that the concept of Self Acceptance falls on the same path that can get you to Self Love. I'd started "working" on that after my divorce last year because, after all, I was the only person I had to support me in my daily life. Okay, the term "working" isn't accurate because it was more of a natural evolution while I was contemplating some big questions like who am I, what do I like, where do I want to be, etc. Exploring those and other questions helped me get to know me better and I liked who I was (at least internally) and looked forward to knowing more.

So there I was with internal Self Acceptance, seeking more truths about my Self and once again, the natural process slowly started to reveal some insights and beliefs that unlocked the door to external Self Acceptance. Like my belief that thoughts become things, I am responsible / accountable for all things in my life, I am a spiritual being having a brief physical experience, I want to spend my time and energy on things that make me joyful, and something along the lines of if I can accept everyone else - why not give myself the gift of accepting me just as I am. Period.

Ahhhhhh, I was ten pounds lighter already! (Meaning, getting that monkey off my back felt great.) I believe it was when I got to that happy place when all the other things I'd been thinking about (like what did I want to do with my life, etc.) came to pass so quickly. Yet another example of Law of Attraction working in my life for my benefit. So that brings me to this 6 month road trip with my Mom. At this point we've been on the road for nearly one month. I haven't meditated quite as much as I'd hoped, but I chalk that up to getting used to the new lifestyle. I have, however, been doing a lot of reading and thinking - a lot of which has been pointing me back to Self. Do you know what I mean by Self? That little voice inside that often gets so neglected that we start confusing it with our human ego...the voice that comes from your soul - the part of you connected to God. In any case, when thinking about spiritual aspects of life and how my Self fits into it all - that shift from Self Acceptance to Self Love becomes a little easier. Not that it happened over night, or that I may never digress - but without a doubt I find myself appreciating a whole lot more about the internal and external me...to the point that I jokingly think I'm falling in love with my Self.

To help give you a flavor of what inspired me to start contemplating this line of thought, here are some excerpts from I Had it All the Time by Alan Cohen that I found profound:

"The word "personality" comes from the Greek word persona, meaning "mask." We may develop intricate dances between our masks and external roles, but behind all the images and appearances our inner self remains intact."

"An identity crisis is the natural result of identifying ourselves with things that change. Because we have defined ourselves as the roles we play and the commodities we own, when the outer world shifts we become confused about who we are."

"There is a fundamental difference between self-improvement and self-discovery. One proceeds from the premise that you are incomplete and need to fill a gap in your character while the other assumes you are already whole and your purpose is to know and express more of who you are. Many of us have identified ourselves with becoming rather than being."

"It is not God we are shooting toward; it is God we are shooting from. You cannot be the small person you thought you were, and know the magnificent one you are."

I choose to share this internal evolution with you, not because I think anything otherwise is wrong or unimpressive. Ha! Far from it, as this blog is more of a journal for me to remember the path I've traveled. Plus I find it very cathartic to pull back the "masks" and let my true Self be known...and certainly this is easier (and more comfortable) done at the hand of a pen than in person when someone asks, "So, how'ya been?"

Seeking My Truths

When you take away all the titles bestowed upon me,

who am I?

When the should's from society are removed,

what do I want to do?

When the hustle and bustle of life is removed,

why am I here?

When I answer these and identify MY core beliefs,

how will things change?

I have long felt that there was something more for me around the corner. I think subconsciously I programmed that to be a fact and within a year I was no longer married with a mortgage to worry about, finally free to start seeking my own truths. Still, I felt stiffled and unable to feel capable of experiencing what was necessary to come to the answers I pondered. Now, without a traditional job or home - I am on a 6 month road trip to see what I can find. A modern frontiersman of sorts, like so many before me - movement and radical change feel like the catalyst needed to find my Self.

Unscheduled time to follow my bliss.

Different scenery to inspire my soul.

New experiences to shift beliefs.

Quiet time to seek clarity.

Admittedly I find myself occasionally being pulled by the things I "should" be doing, but I'm resisting them as they could derail my true intentions. Of course, if inspired as something I "want" to do - then I'm all for it (ie: following my bliss).

So here I am enjoying what I'll call an awakening a little earlier in life than some and it is full of excitement, uncertainty, possibilities, anticipation and change. Once again I feel an eminent something waiting for me in the distance and I so look forward to what it holds. I am often overwhelmed with the fullness I feel in my heart, the tears of appreciation that well up from a knowingness of love and perfection that guides me. And I try not to push it along, as I want it to come from a place of pure truth with no regrets, what-ifs, or coulda's attached. I feel so blessed with this opportunity, and in turn will work to treat it with the respect and care that accompany my gratitude.

Thank you to all that is,

me

Just Being Me

Already I'm enjoying time with my mom. We've been on the road for nearly three weeks and its been such a pleasure both to be myself and to have someone who shares similar spiritual ideas. Wow, what a concept "being myself" is! It shouldn't be, but it is. There's really only a hand full of people that I can say I do this with. Mind you - I'm an open book with just about anyone, transparency has never been a problem - but as a Libra I've always cherished balance and don't care to push or pry my beliefs on anyone else. So while I'll share the details of my life, warts and all - I'm not so quick to share the deeper meaning that I find and seek in life.

I have my opinions as to why that is and maybe I'll get over it - but in true fashion I don't see the point in bringing up something that may be controversial. What's most important to me is that I am now seeking more like minded people because being around such individuals is energizing (vs. being around others that suck the energy right out of me). Actually I started this awhile ago and am still finding my way. I'm still getting used to the online communities and tend to prefer face to face time, however a good number of the groups I've checked out have...how do I say this nicely - extreme type of characters that I don't relate to. After all, I have lived the middle-class life and worked for the "man"...and been treated very well - so I don't jive with people that have an adverse attitude about it without any experience to speak from. I have found a number of sites and blogs that speak to me - so they've started to have that familiar, comforting feeling.

• dreamahappylife.com
• www.goodvibeblog.com
• www.earthharmonyhome.com
• www.shadesofcrimson.com
• www.yes-to-me.com
• blog.evolvingbeing.com
• www.gigablonde.com

Maybe one day I'll meet a few of the authors :) While I continue to seek out like minded people I can relate to, I'm pleased that this road trip will provide me time to explore my thoughts with the person I most closely share views with - my mom! Since we're both still searching and have some similar life experiences - there's sure to be lots that we'll uncover, be able to discuss and compare, and form our own opinions as we find our unique truths. I simply love that we are two like minded people open to the possibilities before us. THAT my friends is the most exciting part of this trip!

Who am I?

Human. Female. 36 physical years of age. Daughter. Sister. Friend. Significant other. Wife. Ex-wife. Animal lover. Dog owner. Corporate worker. Banker. Trainer. Manager. Curly hair girl. Green eyed. High school graduate. College attendee. Limited world traveler. Fast driver. Libra. Confirmed Catholic. Law of Attraction practitioner. Bikram yoga student. TUT adventurer. Easily inspired. Hurricane Katrina survivor. Loud laugher. Amateur photographer. Entrepreneur wannabe. Life enthusiast. Go with the flow-er.

There are many labels in which I've held the title to. The ones I listed above I acknowledge ;) Yet there's so much more.

Pure energy. Consciousness. Soul. Spirit. Omnipotent. Omnipresent. Rain. Sun. Earth. Water. Fire. Wind. Flesh. Atoms. Olympic swimmer. Pop singer. Ballroom dancer. Professional tapper. Actress. Magician. Genius. Pauper. Aborigine. Gypsy. Linguist. Social geographer. Cartographer. Writer. Speaker. Pure inspiration.

If we are connected to "God", whether partial or completely - are we not everything and anything? Wouldn't this mean I could tap into any part of this Universe? That in some way, even if my physical brain cannot comprehend just yet, I have access to all the intelligence, acceptance, and understanding that whatever defined higher spiritual being does?

There was a commercial maybe ten years ago in which individuals in large crowds would hold up signs that read, "I am." The idea made so much sense to me at the time - and now, at an even deeper level. So maybe the answer to the question, "Who am I?" is just as simple.

I am.

Project "Re-organization"

Have I mentioned that my mother and I are traveling by RV for 6 months to see the southwest portion of the United States? We started nearly two weeks ago in Virginia and with two full days in Oklahoma City to break, we used one to make some changes. You never know what you don't know, so now that we're getting a feel for what shifts during driving...where we prefer to sit and chill...what we keep digging for and would prefer to have handy - we can work on setting things up better.

This included a host of changes, such as:

• adding a lamp above my bed that won't blare in my face like the overhead
• moving books in a long cabinet to the wall closest to the front of the cab (everything slides forward when driving)
• switching out our summer clothes for fall (bummer to wake up to 50 degrees with only capris, shorts, or skirts to wear)
• getting a metal file to fix the sticky door
• improving upon our puppy fence
• fastening a clock where we can both see it (we'll be changing time zones a lot, but leaving our computers on "home time")
• adding a latch to the screen door that will allow us to open it easier
• moving our boxes around in the basement (lower storage area) so the things we get most often are closest

I could go on, but hope you get the gist that we spent the entire day planning, shopping, and installing/reorganizing. Which got me thinking about all the times I've gotten the "project bug" and wanted to clean house. There's nothing like pulling everything out, tossing a few things, and reorganizing it all. Whether doing a whole house or just a closet, it can be very rewarding.

So how come we don't do that with our inner Selves so much? When I think of all the projects I've taken on in my adult life (roughly 15 years), I've only taken a serious look at my Self in the last year. Are you catching what I'm throwing? I don't mean my physical or intellectual self, I mean the inner soul part of Me. The part that shares the same space as God, the Universe, Allah, whatever title you have for the larger, spiritual aspect of our lives.

Whoo! Lemme tell you, it took a looooong time before I got through the layers and layers of social expectations and traditional thinking to even find my Self. I'm referring to the part of me that existed before I learned the multitude of behaviors and beliefs that were instilled, from my place in society to the notion we must work hard and then hope good things happen to why I agree to stop at red lights. Needless to say, there's been a whole lotta of "why" asking and I'm certainly not done. It's like going through your Aunt Millie's house after she spent a lifetime of collecting things just because...the sheer volume of content is paralyzing, but you start in one room and eventually a pattern emerges to help find your way. Funny, we'd never question the responsibility of going through Aunt Millie's stuff after her passing - but to knowingly go into the recesses of our minds/souls? Hmmmm...no doubt some will consider this a mid-life crisis, but not only am I no where near mid-life...I don't acknowledge this as a crisis, its more of a right of passage to a place I consider more important than were I've evolved to thus far.

I'm guessing it might be like waking up from an accident all bruised and a little broken, being reassured that while things will be okay - then walking away with the most profound appreciation for life. Not the life that I've been told I should have, but the life that divinity has given me...just me...the one that I have the power to do anything with - because it was a gift, not a guideline. Oh my, that is beyond empowering - it made me rethink everything! Why am I here doing this? What would make me happier than anything else? If we're all part of God and made in his image, then why do we carry around so damn much doubt and dismay? Why are we so eager for certain labels? Who am I really? What drives the most common desires and when I honestly ask myself, do I really want the same things? If not, then what do I want? Who do I want to be? What is my purpose?

I've got a lot of questions and feel like I'm just scratching the surface. I plan to use this blog as a place to share some of the quandaries on my mind. Who knows what this trip has in store for me in the long run, for now I'm considering it an internal reorganization of sorts. Of the many things I will find I may keep some, trash some, or share some. One thing is for certain though...it will be a trip to remember!