Visit to the Agape Center

On Sunday Dec 27, 2009 my sister and I drove from San Diego to Los Angeles for the very specific purpose of attending a service to hear Dr. Michael Beckwith speak. Some of you may recognize that name from The Secret or The Oprah Show - which is where I've seen him, though I'm sure he's referenced in a slough of other Law of Attraction type resources. When I had seen him before he was always articulate and humble, speaking in laymens terms - which I liked. Once I learned he had a congregation I thought it would be wonderful to see him in action, so put it on my original list of things to do in the initial planning stages of this road trip.

After two hours we made it to the location without issue. The first service was just letting out and parking was still a challenge, so we parked 6 blocks away and decided to hike back instead of relying on the shuttle service (cuz I'm tough like that). Up the hill, across the street and through the parking lots we went before finding the final stairway that would lead us to the Agape Center. As we took the last few steps of the stairs I began to take in all the tents that were set up in front of the building. (Which, by the way was in fact a building - not a standard church.) There were at least 30 tents set up, offering everything from chakra art to information on various church groups to food! Tempting...but since I was expecting to fight thousands for seats, we bypassed the tents and headed right in.

Once inside we found a large L-shaped room with chairs set up (again, not a church so no pews to speak of). Already filling up, we went for the largest empty area in the back and found some seats. It was then that I had time to soak up our surroundings...

• Paintings of famous, inspirational figures such as MLK and Ghandi hung on one wall.
• Artwork depicting the various religious symbols from around the world hung on other walls.
• Colorful strips of fabric framed the stage where the choir sat, wearing their own rainbow of brightly colored tunics.

Then it dawned on me...there weren't thousands of people here, only a few hundred. Huh. Oh...look at that - a movie screen hanging in the front for people to see close ups of the speakers. Or, as I later learned, that was also used to stream live on the internet - for this place was wise to the ways of reaching that expansive audience I was expecting!

Before even seeing the reverend, the choir started things off (the choir director being Mrs. Michael Beckwith, by the way) and got everyone feeling good - especially since the words were put on that movie screen for us to follow. Then I spotted Dr. Beckwith on stage, but he didn't jump into his sermon. Instead he was the emcee of sorts - introducing speakers, thanking them, leading rounds of applause with high 5's and explaining things like prayer vigils (invisible creatures kept in special invisible cages) - demonstrating he clearly has a great sense of humor. He also took time to welcome the newbies (that was us) by asking us to stand while he rattled off a standard welcoming message. What made it different to me was that the congregation repeated his words and were turned around in their chairs smiling at us. It made it real...and personal. It was nice, very touching. As the man covering the events calendar was finishing up, he plugged a new PBS special DVD by Dr. Beckwith...which didn't initially sit well with me, until I later saw pictures of all the community and global projects they work on (and of course need funding for).

Finally it was time for the big sermon and today's theme was "Releasing the Fear of Receiving." I'll never be able to do his words or the way he wove them justice, but here are some key points that stuck out for me:

• there's a fear getting what it is we truly want and then being talked about (our society embraces those who toil)
• don't settle for mediocrity, instead celebrate others breaking free of it (help shift the limitation mentioned above)
• if anyone has ever done it, you can too (this is one way to break free of the belief that its not possible)
• while religions can be helpful prisms to see the world through, watch out for those that are prisons (if they say there's only one way, beware...for there are many ways to "God")
• be grateful for opportunities b/c they speak to our talents (the Universe offers what is best for us, but it is still our choice whether or not to seize them)
• of all the sperm that could've been born - you were! (remember your worth, know you were meant to be, grasp the concept that you are deserving of whatever you want)
• understand that being ready to receive means accepting the whole package and that is often why we don't get what we think we want (ie: health = being active, responsibility of caring for body, no excuses not to do things...ie: prosperity = asked for money, family taking your $ for granted...ie: creativity = nothing to complain about b/c can see ways to do anything...ie: excellence = being talked about by others)

Just as I'd hoped, Dr. Beckwith was wonderfully charismatic as he spoke. He shifted his intensity, volume and body position to keep our attention. He balanced the seriousness of the message with humor. He didn't preach at us, but somehow preached with us - confirmed by the nodding heads that would appear like a wave through the crowd. Two and a half hours later we and everyone else were clearly psyched, our energy vibes through the roof and we were ready to take on the world!

It was actually hard to leave. After things came to a close, most people started shuffling out but we stayed to people watch. I saw a lot of friends connect and chat, the choir come down and reunite with their families, the technical people start putting up their tools of the trade. Mostly I just enjoyed the unending feeling of joy and love that was present. It's been a long time since I've been to church and this reminded me why as a teenager during some of our hardest times, I was eager to get up early on the weekend and go - because the message that was delivered usually had some insights for me and that reinforced my faith that I wasn't alone to work it all out. This trip to Agape held similar feelings, but instead of feeling that I was being cared for - I felt the power that was rightfully mine to care for my Self.

Talking to Angels

I've always believed in guardian angels, it made perfect sense as a kid - I mean it was the ultimate buddy system! So even though I'd long left behind the idea that the God I'd been taught about sat behind a cloud and reigned with any type of fear...and simply resigned myself to the fact that some sort of a higher power existed but didn't really care about the details - I still believed in guardian angels (karma, fate, etc.). I also believed in the power of positive thinking, since that had sustained me through some hardships early on. Sooooo, for the most part my religious beliefs were a combo of of blind faith and good vibes...until 2009.

As my search for deeper truths began, I ran across a class called "Communicating with your Guardian Angels" and for $10 I was totally up for checking it out. Long story short, a man named Francisco Coll started an organization in the 70's to teach the content that this class glossed over. That content, in a nut shell, centered on the idea that our lives are the result of souls that wanted to continue to learn and grow - so elected to incarnate as a human without the full knowledge that would inhibit said growth. Since all souls are seeking unending development, just as you'd expect, and apparently there's more souls than there are humans...some are "assigned" to help a fellow soul on their physical Earthly experience. Ha! The buddy system prevails ;) Only kicker is that since the purpose of the human experience is growth, the guardian souls agreed not to communicate directly and only if asked. (More info can be found at http://www.BalancedLivingInstitute.com/)

Okay - back to my journey! Even before committing to this trip, I followed this class' suggestions and would actively invite my spirit guides (this seems to be a more popular term than guardian angels) to help me. "I hereby invite any and all spirit guides, through divine love, to help me navigate this life so I may live it to the fullest extent." I actually wrote it down on an index card and used it so often I memorized it. Roughly four months later I worked my last day and began preparing for my big trip.

Given the results, the idea of having guardian angels / spirit guides gained a lot of credibility in my eyes. Plus, I started getting chills at non-chilly moments. Know what I mean? The kind of "don't worry, I'm here" sort of chills...they run from my shoulder blades up to the back of my head and back, with a bit radiating down my neck toward my arms. Helloooooo!

Needless to say I was pretty fascinated by all of this, so when Mom started following a blogger that offered Spirit Guide Coaching - we bit and started a six-week course in December. The purpose of the course is to learn how to communicate with my spirit guides (less vague invitations and chills, more specific questions and answers). I'll have to write another post that covers my experiences during that time once we complete it. Mwa-ha-ha-ha!!!!!!

Tesla Lights

While staying in the Sedona area we connected with a wonderful man who introduced us to something we'd not heard of before (this is the same John I've mentioned before). Something called Tesla Lights. I'm going to make a wild assumption that you haven't heard of these - below is a brief description and you can look up more information at www.teslalightsystems.com:

• they're cylindrical devices about a 2 feet tall, 1 foot wide
• they create an electron donor system that feeds one's subtle energies
• they deliver a full spectrum of ions emanating from noble gas crystal tubes
• the technology originated in the 1920s
• they have a soothing, relaxing effect on the mind and spirit - so work well with meditation and relieving stress

John has had heart issues since his teenage years but had eventually gotten it under control with meditation, a heightened awareness of his body, and a combination of traditional and alternative medicines. A few months prior to meeting John, he was giving a Sedona tour watching the sun set from the elevated airport area when he started feeling bad enough to make him sit down. One of the ladies on the tour was a nurse, so she checked him out and based on his symptoms said he was having a heart attack and needed to get to the hospital. He realized she was right, but knowing himself as well as he did - opted to use some scented oils he always had on him to help regulate his body and sure enough he was able to get up and walk (but agreed to let someone else drive, lest everyone be a ball of nerves). He went to his medical doctor the next day and it was confirmed he'd suffered a heart attack and I guess based on the already weakened state of his heart - was told he needed some serious help recovering (believe they were talking open heart surgery but not 100% sure). He decided to discuss it with a woman he'd been seeing for alternative healing assistance and together they decided to add the Tesla Lights into his medical regimen. Sure enough, it was enough to keep all pointy objects away (think scapulas) and return to his normal work, social, and motorcycle ride routines exceptionally fast.

After hearing his story and being on the lookout for ways to heal my wrists as well as find clarity with life purpose - we contacted Miss Louise and were able to get squeezed in (she'd just gotten pneumonia and took 3 days off to heal herself). It came down to us going the morning that we were breaking camp and heading out, but we were able to get in so it was all good. We arrived at Miss Louise's apartment and found an old, kind soul. She was 80-something and blind, though sometimes it was hard to tell. After introductions I went first (at her request, I'm not hogging it all) and followed her into a back room where we sat for a little while and talked. It was really easy to talk to her. Maybe because I sensed her wisdom, maybe because I couldn't feel her eyes on me. Either way, I enjoyed the relaxed atmosphere and was excited to see how it'd all play out.

First she had me pick three decks of cards. Not your average 52 card deck mind you, these were more like tarot cards designed to help the person using them explain where they are in life and may want to focus. I'd only done this once before at the horse healing ranch and wasn't terribly impressed...but this time it was different. After picking a card, Miss Louise would have me look it up in the book and read it. The first two times I forgot to read out loud because I was so struck by the accuracy of the card! Then we came to the last one and I couldn't find it in the book and it took her a few seconds before she remembered that was a new pack and a new card had been introduced in it but her old book of explanations was what I was reading from.

1. ANIMAL CARDS - I picked the blue heron - indicated need to balance myself internally (what the head thought, mouth said, and gut felt)
2. NATIVE AMERICAN CARDS - I picked the north shield - indicated need to be grateful for inner wisdom (which of course first requires me to stop beating myself up for other things and acknowledge that I do indeed have it)
3. ARCHETYPE CARDS - I picked the blank archetype - represents unique opportunity to define my own boundaries (whoa - how "on" is that?!)

After the cards Miss Louise explained how the lights worked. She wisely kept the scientific stuff to a minimum and instead demonstrated how my energy could be weakened or strengthened by something as simple as drawing a word on my arm or having me speak a phrase. First she had me stand with my arms stretched out by my shoulders (making a T shape) and tested my strength by telling me to hold my arm up when she pushed down on it. I was easily able to keep my arm up. (Phew!) Then she asked me to say, "I have no strength." while she repeated the exercise and wouldn't you know it - that 80 year old pushed my arm down! But wait, it gets better. Next she silently drew a word on my arm that I couldn't make out and repeat the exercise one more time. This time I had no problem keeping my arm up. Wondering what she wrote? The word EAGLE. Why would that word increase my energy and strength? She said the symbolism is all it took because of how connected I am to all that is and has been. Interesting huh? So, in addition to learning a new trick (albeit based in truth) I also learned that positive and negative energy can affect me whether I give it permission to or not...and that's how the Tesla Lights work (in a way).

Ah-ha! Finally we get to the lights :) Miss Louise reaffirms that the positive ions from the lights will only have good effects, but adds that should I go into the session with one or two intentions - I may get even better results. I'm all for it, so I clarified that I'd like help with decision making and following through (I know, I know...have no idea why I didn't mention my wrists). After all that it was time to lay on the table with one light near my head and the other near my feet. I suppose I was there for 20 or 30 minutes, I'm not sure. One thing I do know is that my entire body got tingly and I felt very light afterwards...something was going on!

Needless to say Mom and I immediately compared notes from our experiences. We both found the cards and discussion with Miss Louise wildly insightful. She really struck us as someone that had lived a long life and once she'd found her own personal spirituality - she found peace and is now happy to help others along their paths. Had we stayed in the area any longer, I'm pretty sure we would've seen her again. Thanks Miss Louise!

Brain Wave Vibration Class

Needless to say there was lots of interesting body, mind, spirit stuff in the Sedona area. Case in point - our campground was located directly next to a Tao Center. What is a Tao Center you may ask? I wondered the same thing, so went to check it out and found a variation of yoga classes offered for merely donations. I thought, "Cool - been missing my yoga, maybe a class will help get me started again."

I believe it was a Saturday morning that I walked all of 100 feet from our RV to the center. When I arrived I was greeted by the man running the establishment, a 40-something male Korean by the name of Sam. He was a nice guy with a thick accent, so much so that as he was telling me where to go and what to do - I missed the part about not entering the exercise room with my shoes on (oops).

Five other ladies joined us that day, all middle-aged except for one - I later learned she was in her late 70s. Class felt fairly normal as we started with easy to follow moves for getting warmed up, after which I was relieved to find us doing some yoga positions I already knew. Moving around felt good and I was glad I decided to go...until the beating started. Ha, ha - not that kind of beating. Turns out this was a "brain wave vibration class" that involved cupping your hands or forming a loose fist and lightly tapping your lower abdomen (or pounding if you really got into it with all the drum music that started up). Yeah...that was weird, but when in Rome! So here I am feeling awkward and uncoordinated...trying to find my rhythm, eyes closed, drum music blaring, arms starting to hurt (we "tapped" 1,000 times). Being the youngest of the group, I couldn't allow myself to be outdone by a 70+ year old so I stuck it out, but boy was I happy when we stopped!

After class Sam invited us to have some hot tea with him. Everyone else did, so I went along with it (sidenote: I'm not a big fan of hot tea but managed to be polite and eventually get it all down). Once again - glad I did because that's when I got to chat with the ladies and hear their take on all this craziness. For the most part they'd all been coming three months or more and all enjoyed it (with the exception of one lady who said she'd been in a recent car accident and clearly didn't enjoy the end of the class when we each laid down and everyone "tapped" us along our backs and legs). The 70+ year old said she'd been coming for almost a year and had seen wonderful results in being more flexible, healthy, energized, etc. She even admitted to getting one of those little trampolines so she could bounce while "tapping" at home. Which led to the discovery that Sam assigned everyone homework that slowly ramped up how many times they "tapped" at home (along with a general explanation about it). Of course his explanation was a little hard to understand, so I got on the website and put it together with what he'd said and came up with:

• this is called Dahn Yoga, which was started in 1980 by IIchi Lee in Kore
• it somehow follows old traditional methods from their culture/spirituality and IIchi Lee wants to share it with the world
• brain education is an important aspect of this yoga; there are 5 levels to go through to become an expert; the yoga helps by harnessing the power of the brain
• the "tapping" of the body creates a vibration in the body that changes the vibrations in the brain so they resonate properly with the rest of your bodily functions
• the idea is that through these rhythms you'll release tension and create a calm, meditative state

Huh. Interesting. Being into metaphysical type stuff, I sort of get where they're going (though it doesn't all seem to jive). I actually went back for a Chi Healing session in which Sam found my heart and sacral chakras to be blocked and worked to release them. I've since heard similar info about my sacral chakra and as for the heart chakra, well you may not believe this but... I got really bad heartburn, which is unheard of for me so I was a big baby about it. It came back for a few days with me trying all kinds of things, including a shot of vinegar and honey that made me gag and almost puke. Finally a few days after my session and all this pain, I was meditating outside and when finished I laid down on the ground. Roux got on me, as he often does since I'm his human pillow, but this time he laid across my chest. As we laid there I had the weirdest sensation that he was trying to help me and wouldn't you know, the heartburn hasn't returned since. How sweet - the little puppy heart helped the big momma heart ;)

Okay, so back to the Tao Center. I don't doubt the physical excursions are helpful and maybe the "tapping" does something, but still - it's not for me. Not because it's weird, no - that I could get over (lord knows I'm getting comfortable with going down my own path). Not because I don't believe in the energy meridians that flow through the body (see paragraph above). No, for me it just didn't feel right. Sure enough, when I dug a little deeper I found some pretty negative references about it being fraudulent, cultish, and generally an unscrupulous organization. While I'm pretty sure most religious organizations are looking for more recruits and dollars...the repeated accounts I saw took it further (see http://www.rickross.com/reference/dti/dti2.html).

Even so - I'm still glad I went, donated, met a few fans of it, got Roux's help with my heart chakra, and had something interesting to share with you. Long live new experiences!!!

Energy Vortexes in Sedona

A lot of folks told me I couldn't miss Sedona on this trip. I heard it was awesome, cool, refreshing, something neat about it, and of course that the red rocks were a sight to see. What no one mentioned were the energy vortexes reported to be there, at least I don't recall anyone mentioning it. Maybe they thought it sounded crazy - or maybe they were completely unaware...but it was obvious from the moment we saw them that those red rocks had a pull to them. In doing my homework, here's some tidbits I picked up:

- the vortexes (vortices anywhere else you go) are swirling centers of subtle energy coming from the surface of the earth that emanate 1/2 mile out

- some believe the energy to have some magnetic properties to them, while others feel the energy is more on a psychic level

- there are four strong vortexes (and maps to any are easy to obtain) with less intense locations believed to exist as well

- they were first noticed after the Harmonic Convergence in August of 1987, which marked the end of the Mayan Calendar according to Jose Argulles

- since that time, Sedona has become a center for spiritual awareness and evolution

- over 5 million visitors a year come to Sedona, many looking to experience these energy vortexes

- while everyone is different, seems the sensations can run from tingling to feeling distinctly uplifted to nothing at all

Needless to say, we were very intrigued but since we had 3 weeks to enjoy the area - we weren't in any rush and followed our typical routine (taking our time soaking up the vibe and talking to folks) before we took any tours or started any hiking escapades. We camped about 15 miles southwest of Sedona and enjoyed the easy drive in...the stunning beauty of what nature has created there is truly breathtaking. We couldn't stop talking about it, no matter how many times we drove past the same formations. Huh. Maybe that was us feeling some of the energy?

After meeting a wonderfully cool guy at the campground (John) who just happened to run some of the Jeep tours in the area - we booked a trip and due to the winter season, had him and the Jeep all to ourselves - score! He took us up close and personal, sharing a wealth of information along the way. On the way back (and after having a sense for us) he brought us to one of the smaller vortex spots. There we parked, got quiet, shut our eyes and breathed in a scented oil he carried with him. I can't say I felt any vibrations or tingling, aside from what I've become accustomed to when my I connect with my inner spirit. However, when I opened my eyes - everything popped! It was like I was seeing 4D instead of just 3D. Colors were more vibrant and trees on the other side of the road looked like they were slowly moving toward me - or me to them, though I know we were both still. It was pretty cool and I admittedly felt better when Mom described her experience to be the same (you know, just in case I was getting carried away with it all).

I realize that in all our research, we never came across a scientific study that confirmed the existence of these so-called energy vortexes with their technical measurements that I probably couldn't pronounce anyway. I get that and get that many people will easily dismiss their possibility. That's okay, as I'm a big proponent of respect. All I know is what I believe and I believe that everything is made of energy, that energy has different vibrational frequencies that contribute to what we see, feel, etc. and that I saw and felt something slightly different when I was there. Could it have been the scented oil combined with a deep oxygen intake? Sure, but it doesn't matter. The reason I say that is because regardless of how we each perceive "God" its all tied to a personal belief - and its our beliefs that create our realities right? So, if you don't believe in any kind of God, then my experience was oxygen and scented oil induced. If you believe in traditional Christianity, then maybe my experience was a misguided attempt at prayer. If you believe in a universal power of sorts, then maybe my experience was created through meditation.

I'm not one to get hung up in the details of things, I've always gone with my gut instincts and been very successful at it. So while I didn't have any kind of out of body experience or talk directly with God...

1. I wasn't expecting that anyway

2. I believe I felt a different kind energy

3. I don't have any explanation as to what that meant

4. I don't care, it was cool anyway

5. I think it was the overall vibe/energy of the Sedona area that I enjoyed most

Mom and I are a bit alike in that we seem to sense the same kind of positive and negative energies. If you can think of a time when you met someone and immediately sensed they were trouble, you know something along the lines of what I mean. I suspect its different for everyone in that we are probably attracted to that which closely matches our own energy vibrations. In any case, Mom and I have been aligned with nearly every place we've gone as far as our take on whether or not we liked it. Sedona was no exception, we fell head over heels in love with the place. Call it what you will, but I believe that has to do with the energy of the location as well as all the people there. (I mean, hello - if so many people are seeking some kind of spiritual connection there, then there was plenty of positive vibes to pick up on.)

So, were there energy vortexes? I think so, but can't say for sure. Was there a wonderful feeling to the area - hell yes...and that's why I think everyone told me it was awesome, cool, refreshing, something neat about it, and of course that the red rocks were a sight to see.

I'll be back.

Healing Horses

Sometime before we left on our road trip, I stumbled upon a holistic horse healing ranch that sounded interesting. The practicioner, Dr. Jenn, had a life long love for horses, had ridden and cared for them, even competed at some point I believe. In any case, while getting her Ph.D. in clinical phycology and post doctorate in family therapy - she recognized a connection between both her passions that led her to get her Reiki Master Certification and find a way to unblock mental, emotional, and physical obstacles that keep us from living our lives fully. I had been working on identifying what my blocks and limiting beliefs were, and let me tell you - its harder than it sounds...so the idea of getting a little help and having horses in the mix - well, it seemed awfully interesting and totally in line with the spirit of our trip.

I booked our sessions to be a week or so after Albuquerque's International Hot Air Balloon Festival and while we ran into an unexpected early Colorado winter blast, the road conditions and temperatures returned to 'normal' in time for our excursion. (We were staying in Colorado Springs and the ranch was 30 minutes outside of Denver...so nearly 2 hours away.)

Once we found ourselves on the long road leaving the chic storefronts headed toward Rainbow Ridge, the horizon opened up and sun peaked through the clouds highlighting the rolling hills on what was clearly horse country. We arrived and met initially with Dr. Jenn for an explanation of how she believes the horses are involved in the healing process and how things would play out. Much like dolphins, horses are often used in work with autistic children and the like because of their ability to bring that intangible "something" that always has profound results for the person. I don't know about you, but I've always likened dolphins to old souls that know way more than we do but don't judge us - only offer their help (think of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy). Dr. Jenn sees horses in the same light.

Before we headed outside, we started off picking a card from a Goddess Deck and one from an Animal Deck if I remember correctly. While I know the explanation of my cards vaguely made sense, I don't recall the specifics so will skip forward. We went outside one at a time and were warned that while Dr. Jenn could attempt to bring the issues we wanted to work on forward, sometimes things would end up on a different topic that was of more importance at this point in time. That's cool, we're both very open. She went on to explain that we'd select a horse to work with, stand close to it with our hand on it and eyes closed, she'd start us off with a few questions, we were to pay attention to our bodily sensations and feelings - the rest would unfold naturally.

I went first and selected Serendipity as my horse, but seemed that wasn't the best fit since she actually backed up and her daughter Frolic stepped forward. Huh. Okay, only picked Serendipity for her name - no worries, Frolic it is! (She was a beautiful caramel colored quarter horse with huge brown eyes that clearly had something to say.) I stood next to her front shoulder, which was impressive unto itself because she was huge compared to me and normally I'd be worried about getting whacked by some part of her.

With Frolic as my interpreter of sorts, Dr. Jenn had me close my eyes and asked me to state my intentions for the session - which were to get help determining my life purpose and healing my wrists. When asked what bodily sensation I felt, I instantly felt a lump in my throat...the same feeling we all experience (I think) when we get emotional and choked up - unable to speak. I was surprised when Dr. Jenn asked various questions about why I might feel that way and I choked out the response that I felt it impossible to be the real me because for the most part I'd always been trying to live up to someone else's expectations. Yikes, where'd that come from? I remember feeling weird as I said it, sort of guilty - but Dr. Jenn unknowingly calmed me when she said that the movement I was feeling was Frolic nodding her head up and down. When asked what emotions I felt at that moment, I said I was tired and saw an image of my hand reaching out as though waiting for help. Odd, but interesting.

You see, as an 11 year old whose parents divorced, it was my role as the eldest to keep things together. As the grandaughter of a spy who was fluent in 7 languages, it was my role to prove myself academically and later help my father care for my aging grandmother. As the responsible daughter capable of running a household, having a job, and with both siblings still at home - it was my role to quit college and move home when my mother was diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer. As a member of the working force with no college degree, it was my role to work hard and prove myself to everyone at work that I was fully capable and then some. Having failed my first marriage and finding a wonderful man shortly thereafter that I eventually married, it was my role to maintain the marriage even after romantic feelings had left and we were left with being best friends who clearly wanted different things in life. (Important sidenote: these were all choices I made, I blame no one and believe everything happens for a reason.) Geeze - this all felt like it came out of left field! Honestly, I've always considered myself a happy person that rolls with the punches. Yet as I stood there holding onto Frolic - I couldn't shake the vision I saw of me standing in a pond with only my neck and head visible. That's exactly how I was feeling. Weird stuff I tell you, especially when Dr. Jenn suggested that the hand I visualized earlier reach out for help might actually be my inner (spiritual) self reaching out to provide help to my outer (physical) self. Whoa...yeah...can see that...wow.

Once we got through that little nugget, Dr. Jenn got us back into the groove somehow and we were off to identify another bodily sensation. This time is was my wrists (no surprise there since I'd been having issues since February and this healing session took place in October). Nonetheless, I could feel the typical tightness and dull, throbbing pain - but now it was radiating up my arm. As Dr. Jenn continued with this line of questioning, what came out was my deep unfilled desire to have my father's approval - which I totally did not see coming. Apparently neither did Frolic, because she wasn't having any of it. She kept moving and when Dr. Jenn couldn't get her to calm down, a light went off and she suggested we use her newest member of the team - Little Man. He was a smaller framed horse, dark brown, with short fuzzy whiskers on his chin. He didn't move an inch when we approached...just looked right at me as though acknowledging he was the right guy to work with. (Later on Dr. Jenn shared that on a couple of occasions her clients who have had male based issues have ended up with Little Man, to the point that she was starting to think it was his specialty.) Okay, so at this point I was standing next to Little Man with my hand on his shoulder and my eyes closed.

To help ease my apparent need, Dr. Jenn contacted my father's higher self / spiritual guide / soul / whatever you want to call it and used Little Man to convey messages to me...which was weird, no doubt - but also clear. As I stood there with my eyes closed, listening to Dr. Jenn invite my father's spiritual side to share a message with Little Man...I felt Little Man turn his head and nuzzle me. I don't mean he was looking for a snack, I mean the horse was actually hugging me to the best of his ability! I know its bizarre, but you weren't there - I was and it was a hug I tell you! Then I opened my eyes and was looking directly into his - which was like looking through space into heaven itself, with all the love and acceptance that comes with it. It really surprised me how much I instantly understood - though I was still a bit in shock of it all. After a deep breath Dr. Jenn guided me back and asked if I wanted to give thanks, which I whole heartedly did...so I got to hug Little Man back. I'd never hugged a horse before - she told me to put one arm over his shoulder and neck and the other under his chest behind his front legs. My arms weren't big enough, but I think he understood...it was nice and I will admit, I teared up a bit.

To end the session, Dr. Jenn recapped what she'd heard around my need for male approval (father, teacher in middle school, grandfather, various managers at work, husband) and internal need to please others. She asked why I thought these messages were provided to me and without hesitating I said something like, "It's okay to be me now...to use this time to connect with my Self more and more...that's how I'll get the clarity I'm seeking around life purpose...and I won't need male approval anymore." An hour and a half later it was Mom's turn, so I laid in the sun on her deck overlooking the horse country that surrounded us and soaked up some of the positive energy that was there. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Do I believe I was healed? Yes, in a way I do. It's been a long time since I've gone to a therapist but it felt like that on crack. I say that because we accomplished in less than two hours something that could've taken six months instead. Dr. Jenn equates it to the energy that the horses exude and I guess that's what helps us work through things easier.

Did I find my life purpose? No, but I left with a sense of freedom to be me no matter what that may turn out to be. I do think it contributed to what I've found out since (stay tuned for more on that), almost like it was required to open the door before I could step through.

Did it heal my wrists? No, I'm just starting to get that under control now through acupuncture and don't see how either of those issues have to do with the lack of freedom or movement that injured wrists indicate (according to Louise Hay and something I'll go into more detail on another time).

Am I happy we went? Absolutely. This wasn't the first or last obscure thing I've done in an attempt to poke around the recesses of my body, mind, or spirit. We identified the purpose of this trip to be to "seek our inner truths while exploring the great outdoors." This experience was unique and rewarding in its own rights. I wouldn't change a thing but also don't think its for everyone. However, if you're curious and would like to know more - you can check out Dr. Jenn and her horses at http://www.happilyeverafterranch.com.

Reconnecting with Mike Dooley

I've long been a fan of the Notes from the Universe that Mike Dooley's company emails out. They provide a whimsical message that cuts through the sometimes lengthy Law of Attraction type principles and leaves a smile on my face as it refers to us as Adventurers (you know that totally appeals to my gypsy nature right?). No surprise my mother was the one that introduced me to them many years ago, maybe as far back as the late 90's, as it closely mirrored the beliefs she'd come to embrace and expose me to. Just before we took off on our trip a friend gave us the live copy of his latest audio book (thank you Kathy!), so we started listening to it and another audio book of his on the long drives. I'm certainly glad we did because it was the perfect way to start this road trip of ours...this search for our internal truths while enjoying the great outdoors. His words reminded me of some important concepts that I knew but hadn't gotten into the nuances of. You know how it goes...you can hear the same thing 100 times but not be ready to "get" all of it at once.

In any case, over the years his company (TUT which stands for Totally Unique Thoughts) has grown into something I very much admire. It's simple and meaningful - with humor tied in for good measure. It's really good for people who are just starting to explore the wide, wide world of metaphysics (a.k.a. Law of Attraction). More than any other place I've looked to date, I most resonate with Mike's representation of who we are and what we're doing here. Things like...

• thoughts become things, choose the good ones
• we're spiritual beings having a physical experience
• we are part of "God", therefor deserve to have anything we want and what's more...can bring it to ourselves

I also like that Mike's work has come from a place that was personal to him, it feels authentic to me. He had a lot of questions, did an inordinate amount of research to find his answers and combined it all in an easy to comprehend way. He's written a couple of books, given countless seminars and talks, and continued to share his message in a light hearted manner. What a guy. Gosh, it must sound like I'm doing a commercial for him but in reality I'm just an enthusiastic fan. As a matter of fact, I've decided to go on his next World Tour to Egypt. Hello! How cool with that be, traveling with like minded people to a place I've dreamt of going for a long time. (While that is true, I only just made my "bucket list" last year and on it put that I wanted to stand in the same place my grandfather did in a photo I have of him in front of the pyramids.)

I bring Mike and TUT up because I was looking back at my journal and saw notes I made about some of his points and how they lined up with what I'd been thinking. Things I wanted to share just cuz I'm nice like that ;) or possibly because I'm trying to keep an electronic record of my thought process during this trip...whatever.

• stop limiting the Universe with too many details (ie: I want multiple houses around the world, so when I imagine the tropical getaway why limit the location to Hawaii when it could be in Key West, Figi, St. Thomas, etc.?)
• stop trying to sequentially line up my desires according to how I think they can come to fruition (ie: I want to travel extensively so first need to create a successful business...or do I considering what I'm doing now?)
• ignore the how's and focus on the end in mind so the Universe can use all options available (ie: I don't have all the expertise needed to create business on my own, but do have the ability to see myself celebrating success with small team of knowledgeable people.)
• when reaching for something radically different, where limiting beliefs may trip me up...flip it around and contemplate what I'll believe after the desire has come true and make it my truth now (ie: When I buy that 1.8 million dollar house in a tropical paradise, I'll believe college degrees don't have anything to do with determining material wealth.)

A big thing that Mike talks about is the power of visualization, which I've always been a big fan of. His version is like daydreaming on crack because he stresses that you want to actually feel the emotions that come with what you're visualizing. Easy for me but it can be hard for some people to do without any reference points, which is why I think vision boards have become so popular. I don't remember if it was The Secret (which Mike was a contributor to - ok! I'll stop, sorry) that made vision boards popular or not - but I'm sure you've heard of them. The only trick is putting yourself IN the pictures, but not to fear...that's where my up and coming business will help! (More to come on that later.)

Suffice to say, Mike's been a contributor toward what I want to do with my life so I thought it only appropriate to share a bit about why. Nuff said.