Just Be

Anyone that knows me is at least vaguely aware of a message I've been heralding for some time. JUST BE. It's on my car, it's in my email...it's a succinct phrase, that for me sums up a lot...

• accepting others as they are
• moving with the ebb and flow of life
• appreciating the simple pleasures
• having faith

So I found it surprising when I ventured to Key West on my own (post divorce) to do some soul searching and was provided a clear message that touched on this very philosophy.

On the 5th day of my vacation I was taking another yoga class on the beach (holy cow, should ever you have the opportunity - I highly recommend). As we held our pose, I had my eyes closed so my other senses could feast (the smell of the ocean, sound of the sea gulls). On the back of my eyelids I saw a hand writing something in cursive...it was a slow and deliberate movement (nothing like how I would write!).

The words 'allow', 'release', 'surrender', 'let go' and finally 'just be' were being etched in front of me. But what made it uber-powerful was that after each word was written, the yoga instructor would use it (and after 4 days of class I knew they weren't in her normal class vocabulary). Needless to say, I got chills and felt like I was receiving some very direct spiritual guidance - so really started to pay attention!

Nothing more than that came directly, but I took the advise and right after class rented a chair and umbrella to hang out for the day. Not to read, write, take pictures, or listen to music - but to sit right there and surrender. I stayed there for hours...sometimes people watching, other times soaking in the beauty - and of course enjoying the occasional nap. Normally it's hard for me to turn of the little voice in my head - but between yoga, the stunning scenery, and of course what I deemed an important ah-ha...on this day I was able to do it easily. And - I found more and more that when I'd quiet myself for this kind of meditation (or prayer, call it what you will), further clarity would come.

So, I've been working with these words as concepts, enjoying the continued ah-ha's of how to apply them and relishing the gift I was given. That said, it didn't go unnoticed by me that one of the phrases was my favorite "just be" and it made me wonder...

• was it a reminder?
• had I not been living my own mantra?
• why had I applied it to accepting others but not myself?
• was it time to shake off all falsehoods / roles that don't reflect my essence?
• could there be another Sara, somewhere deep within that was trying to be heard?

I don't have any answers, just hunches...and I've certainly made some staggering life changes (good bye corporate america, hello 6 month road trip). Even with all that, I still try to keep these ideas in the forefront of my mind and then let the rest fall into line. I am paying attention (awareness is always key isn't it?) and that's perfectly fine with me nowadays - no final answers with an action plan required. It's all good as I practice what I preach - JUST BE.

The Magic of Just 1 Year

One Year Ago Today:

• my best friend of 11 years asked me for a divorce
• I realized that my best friend needed something I didn't have to give
• I realized that I needed something my best friend couldn't give me
• I entered a new chapter in my life that has been the biggest blessing yet

One Year Later I Have:

• reconnected with a belief system I always had, but knew little about
• asked and answered the hard questions, like "Who am I?" and "What do I want?"
• grieved for the loss of my best friend and continue to work through it
• left my corporate job of 15 years in the training field
• purchased an RV and arranged a 6 month road trip with my mother, a woman I admire deeply
• begun to research a concept that I believe I can create a service for sale around
• recruited a "dream team" of like minded individuals that can support each other as they explore/take action
• experienced the kindness and many that have reached out in some way to offer their condolences, support, ears, shoulders, and most importantly love

I have yet to experience a hardship that did not bless me in some way. This one is no different, except that what it offered was invaluable. For the first time in my life, I've shed many an expectation of others - which has allowed me a glimpse into the real me. Without predetermined roles, definitions, or the typical "should's" bogging me down, I've been able to be honest with my self at a deeper level and truly follow my heart.

One year later I am ready to celebrate Sara as of the right now as well as Sara and all of her possibilities!

Get Flitty With It!

Last week I enjoyed a brief interaction with a butterfly while walking the boys. It flitted around us for a long time, almost to make absolutely sure I noticed it. It'd settle nearby, then flit by us and settle somewhere else...over and over and over. No matter where it landed, it didn't seem to be the ideal spot for long - so off it'd go again in its search for whatever makes butterflies happy.

As I watched the butterfly change its mind repeatedly, the idea of seeking balance came to mind. Needless to say, finding balance has been a topic of serious contemplation for me as of late. I've found it to be quite the complex concept, as it means so many different things to different people - and envelops nearly everything we do. There's work/life balance, parent/spouse balance, body/mind/spirit balance, spend/save balance, even carbs/protein/fiber balance! Seriously though, the beauty of balance is that when you strike it - everything is becomes so easy. Not just easy, but there is an undercurrent of harmony that feels good to your very core.

As I contemplated how we are forever reworking ourselves to find this elusive thing called balance, the butterfly came back to mind. I don't think it matters that we flit around looking for it, I don't think that what works once is going to remain the solution for the rest of our lives, and I certainly don't think we should judge or beat ourselves up about changing our approach as needed.

We humans like to put things in boxes and label them. I don't know why exactly, though suspect it has to do with comfort. Pitty...I think life would be more fun and vastly more interesting if we'd allow ourselves the gift of flitting around more :)

Me...version 3.0

"I love that I can reinvent myself." That's what I used to tell myself when I'd be going to yet another high school (four total) and while it was in fact true, I was still too young and unaware to take full advantage of it. But now at 35 - well, watch out because it's actually happening on purpose this time and I think this version is going to be pretty awesome if I do say so myself!

The idea of self versioning begs a few questions. How did I get here? What versions came before? Of those, what stays and what goes? And does everyone else go through this or am I some kind of anomaly? (The latter I seriously doubt.)

Let's start at the beginning with version 1.0 - childhood. It's this point in life where we are told who we are, both directly and indirectly. We learn a lot of societal rules that encompass our economic status, our intellectual ranking, and generally our place in the crowd. As infants our world extends no further than our hands and feet, as young children its hardly beyond our home, school, and friends' houses. Nope - we don't see the big picture; what you see is what you get. That's cool by me, I have no complaints - just find it interesting as I look back on how much I was defined by others and how easy it was to drink the koolaid. So be it, that's been an important foundation for future versions and if asked - I wouldn't change a thing.

Shift gears to version 2.0 - early adulthood. This is where I took how others had defined me, added a few ideas of my own, and set out to prove who I was. Like many others, I did the college thing - but poorly after version 1.0 indicated I wasn't the smartest kid on the block and of course at that point I'd invested heavily in said koolaid company ;) Nonetheless, I was able to sniff out an actual career that I really enjoyed and, despite the lack of a college degree, excelled in the field to the point of eventually equalling the income of my college degreed spouse. Which brings up the obvious point, while I did seek out the traditional marriage situation (twice I dare say) - I am happy to report that version 2.0 was clear enough on the lack of maternal instincts to steer clear of kids. Other than that - and along with all the other inputs that would signal success, I had the nice house and cars, took the annual cool vacations, and managed to start significant savings for retirement without credit card debt. Yay me!

Fast forward to version 3.0 - mid adulthood. This part is in progress and started over a year ago when my inner self started asking questions like "who am I" and "what do I want." Then, as though to help speed things along, big roles that had defined me started going away and the questions got louder and louder. While some say its an ideal time for self-improvement, I say I'm done with that kind of thinking (the kind that says I'm incomplete in some way and need to "fix" things) and prefer to say I'm on the road to self-discovery. So...

• version 1.0 was defined by others, since I was too young to be aware
• version 2.0 was poorly defined by me at a time when all I knew was version 1.0
• version 3.0 gives me the opportunity to take both versions, blend it with a much keener awareness of self, and reinvent myself with purpose and clear intentions

I suppose some may consider what I'm going through an identity crisis. Hmmmm, I prefer to think of it as serious questions and really honest answers. On the other hand, the Chinese language character for the word "crisis" is a combination of two other characters: "danger" and "opportunity" - and there is so much that excites me about this opportunity that I totally dig being a dangerous opportunist (ha, ha, ha).

Seriously though, for the first time in my life I feel as though I'm getting to know 'me', which was a bit obscure in previous translations. I hope you'll join me as I continue to carve out version 3.0. Here's to the possibilities!