Project "Re-organization"

Have I mentioned that my mother and I are traveling by RV for 6 months to see the southwest portion of the United States? We started nearly two weeks ago in Virginia and with two full days in Oklahoma City to break, we used one to make some changes. You never know what you don't know, so now that we're getting a feel for what shifts during driving...where we prefer to sit and chill...what we keep digging for and would prefer to have handy - we can work on setting things up better.

This included a host of changes, such as:

• adding a lamp above my bed that won't blare in my face like the overhead
• moving books in a long cabinet to the wall closest to the front of the cab (everything slides forward when driving)
• switching out our summer clothes for fall (bummer to wake up to 50 degrees with only capris, shorts, or skirts to wear)
• getting a metal file to fix the sticky door
• improving upon our puppy fence
• fastening a clock where we can both see it (we'll be changing time zones a lot, but leaving our computers on "home time")
• adding a latch to the screen door that will allow us to open it easier
• moving our boxes around in the basement (lower storage area) so the things we get most often are closest

I could go on, but hope you get the gist that we spent the entire day planning, shopping, and installing/reorganizing. Which got me thinking about all the times I've gotten the "project bug" and wanted to clean house. There's nothing like pulling everything out, tossing a few things, and reorganizing it all. Whether doing a whole house or just a closet, it can be very rewarding.

So how come we don't do that with our inner Selves so much? When I think of all the projects I've taken on in my adult life (roughly 15 years), I've only taken a serious look at my Self in the last year. Are you catching what I'm throwing? I don't mean my physical or intellectual self, I mean the inner soul part of Me. The part that shares the same space as God, the Universe, Allah, whatever title you have for the larger, spiritual aspect of our lives.

Whoo! Lemme tell you, it took a looooong time before I got through the layers and layers of social expectations and traditional thinking to even find my Self. I'm referring to the part of me that existed before I learned the multitude of behaviors and beliefs that were instilled, from my place in society to the notion we must work hard and then hope good things happen to why I agree to stop at red lights. Needless to say, there's been a whole lotta of "why" asking and I'm certainly not done. It's like going through your Aunt Millie's house after she spent a lifetime of collecting things just because...the sheer volume of content is paralyzing, but you start in one room and eventually a pattern emerges to help find your way. Funny, we'd never question the responsibility of going through Aunt Millie's stuff after her passing - but to knowingly go into the recesses of our minds/souls? Hmmmm...no doubt some will consider this a mid-life crisis, but not only am I no where near mid-life...I don't acknowledge this as a crisis, its more of a right of passage to a place I consider more important than were I've evolved to thus far.

I'm guessing it might be like waking up from an accident all bruised and a little broken, being reassured that while things will be okay - then walking away with the most profound appreciation for life. Not the life that I've been told I should have, but the life that divinity has given me...just me...the one that I have the power to do anything with - because it was a gift, not a guideline. Oh my, that is beyond empowering - it made me rethink everything! Why am I here doing this? What would make me happier than anything else? If we're all part of God and made in his image, then why do we carry around so damn much doubt and dismay? Why are we so eager for certain labels? Who am I really? What drives the most common desires and when I honestly ask myself, do I really want the same things? If not, then what do I want? Who do I want to be? What is my purpose?

I've got a lot of questions and feel like I'm just scratching the surface. I plan to use this blog as a place to share some of the quandaries on my mind. Who knows what this trip has in store for me in the long run, for now I'm considering it an internal reorganization of sorts. Of the many things I will find I may keep some, trash some, or share some. One thing is for certain though...it will be a trip to remember!