Sitting In The Dark

I mean this both literally and figuratively.

I am literally sitting in my RV in the dark at a Wal-Mart. They are kind enough to lend their vast parking lots to overnighters that just need a place to park. The unspoken rules are that you don't push any slides out, run the generator, or do anything else that makes you appear to be anything than a large vehicle parked as best you can. As I am on a straight shot to pick up my mother for our 6 month adventure, I didn't see the need to pay roughly $30 for a few hours of electricity when all I need to do is eat, walk the dogs, play on the computer, and sleep. My fridge runs on propane as a backup, so I really don't need anything. Hence, sitting in the dark typing away on my Mac.

It was this literal situation that made me realize the presence of the figurative one. I don't mean to imply that I'm lost, yet I can't help feeling like I don't know what in the world I'm doing quitting my job and taking off for 6 months. Well, that's not entirely accurate - obviously there were reasons for this course of action...but every now and again I get the sense that while I was definitely led to this decision, the reasons have not all been revealed.

This may seem daunting to you, but honestly its quite exhilarating for me! If you were to ask my ex-husband how much I like anticipation, he'd no doubt recall the years of Christmas' in which I tried to delay the present opening with one excuse or another (gotta go to my mom's, my dad's, his parents, etc.). It became a joke of sorts, but the truth of the matter is that I liked the feeling that an unknown mystery was about to unfold, and I knew without a doubt it'd be sure to please - so why not enjoy it as long as possible? In our fast paced world, where we set goals and work to achieve them over and over and over again...there's something special about that which we cannot control quite as much...those things that can be influenced but not forced into compliance...that requires a little faith and allows you the time to play with them in your dreams.

This adventure and what I'm feeling at the moment is along those same lines. I have some ideas of what will come to pass, like creating some priceless memories with my mother that will fuel my life learning even further...like feeling my eyes dry out because they're wide open trying to capture everything...like the rush of starting a new business with all that it involves. Those all sound great and there's sure to be more, but honestly I really like not knowing how it will all play out yet. Any other number of possibilities could come to fruition, like writing a book (or two) that crosses demographics...like being interviewed on Ellen (who is also a big fan of her mother)...like feeling heaven on Earth when we go whale watching and end up on a raft touching one up close and personal. Okay, so some of these may sound far fetched - but don't you see, that's the best part of being in the dark - anything can happen because its not over yet!

Yeah, now that I say that - I think the best part is that I think it may take a little more than 6 months to fully unfold. Hooty-hoo! As far as I'm concerned, this is the best Christmas ever!!!